I believe that we are all victims of the promise that social media would make us more connected. We have access to the entire world at our fingertips and reassurance from big tech companies that we can foster meaningful relationships and a sense of belonging, and all we have to do is use our phones. While this may have been the initial intention behind the algorithms, we are currently living in the most disconnected state of in-person presence ever, and what was originally designed for us to come together is undeniably pulling us apart.

It’s no secret that since the creation of the smartphone, there has been an exponential growth in online dependency. There is a giant system working to keep it this way, driving our addictive nature towards engagement on social media platforms where we can “like,” “follow,” and “DM” any person, anywhere.

Years of monitoring these superficial interactions creates the illusion that we are making authentic connections, thus we perceive ourselves as outgoing, engaging, and personable. Unfortunately, that’s not the truth, and it’s hurting our competency in real life settings.

According to a study by Andrew Przybylski, professor of human behavior and technology at the University of Oxford, and Dr. Netta Weinstein, research associate at the University of Reading, the mere presence of a mobile phone can affect the degree of connection between people, leading to reduced feelings of empathy, trust, and a sense of closeness (“Ledger of Harms”). Our “people” skills are being eroded, and while we may be physically present, we are mentally absent. Where there used to be depth and meaning, there is now fractured attention and shallow conversation.

Sherry Turkle, renowned sociologist for her expert work on social networking and mobile technology, discusses how we’ve grown accustomed to being connected all the time, but not in the way where empathy and vulnerability flourish. We avoid conversations and settings that are open-ended and spontaneous, where we learn about true interpersonal communication, both verbal and nonverbal (Turkle).

Sometimes I think back on the experiences I had when I was younger and attending a device-free summer camp. The first day or two was usually awkward while getting to know my cabinmates and other campers, but by the end of the week when we’d been given back our phones, we didn’t want them. We had forged real friendships among the communal bathrooms, dirty lake water, and unspoiled nature of an offline environment.

This isn’t to say that the solution is to trash our iPhones and live like cavemen. But what we can learn from this are boundaries. Whether it’s utilizing the ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature or putting your phone in an another room entirely while with company, we need to learn to prioritize face-to-face interactions. There is great value in practicing mindfulness and taking pleasure in time well spent.

The grip of social media and mobile devices is real, but we can start reclaiming genuine connections and deeper relationships when we put in the effort to be both physically and mentally present.

Works Cited

“Ledger of Harms.” Center for Humane Technology, Center for Humane Technology, 2018, ledger.humanetech.com/. Accessed 26 Sept. 2023.

Turkle, Sherry. “Stop Googling. Let’s Talk.” The New York Times, Sept. 2015, http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/opinion/sunday/stop-googling-lets-talk.html?_r=0. Accessed 26 Sept. 2023.